The Matrix: Rejected
by ThereIsNoSp00n
Summary: I know drunken boxing.
1. Is YOUR refridgerator running?

A/N: Hey y'all! Weeeell, I've been having this idea for a while now…this is my little parody of the Matrix. Don't take it too seriously because I sure as hell don't take it seriously when I'm up at night writing this crap =P I know this chapter is short as anything, but I just wanted to get something up here to "test the waters," so to speak. Enjoy!

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[Code flashes across screen. Phone rings.]

TRINITY: Hello?

CYPHER: Is your refrigerator running? *snicker*

TRINITY: Ohmygod Cypher, how dumb ARE you?? I already know who you are, you can't prank call me on this line.  And besides, I don't have a refrigerator!

CYPHER: Cypher? uhhh...I don't know anyone named "Cypher"! What kind of candy-ass name is that?

TRINITY: Ugh. Just plug me in, you ass.

CYPHER: Oh dear God. You wanna watch that loser AGAIN? Stalker.

TRINITY: AM NOT!

CYPHER: You think he's gorrrrgeous, you want to kiiiss him, you want to loooove him...

TRINITY: SHUT UP! And besides, I'm lesbian.

CYPHER: Sure you are honey.

[Click]

TRINITY: Did you hear that? What was that noise?

AGENT SMITH: *cough* Hear what? Nothing was there...this line is clean!

TRINITY: Who are YOU?

SMITH: Uhhh...is your refrigerator running?

TRINITY: OMG! NO! REFRIGERATOR!!

[CYPHER and SMITH start cracking up.]

TRINITY: Screw y'all. [She hangs up]

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Like what you see? Review enough and I just may post the other bits ;)


	2. No symbolism, nope, none at all

A/N: Wow! I'm really happy to get such a positive response to such a short first chapter :D I promise this one will be longer. Thanks you guys, reviewers rock! I'm trying to pound out a few more scenes since I only have some random ones so far and I don't want to post out of order. Enjoy!

Oh, and I realized after I posted the last chapter that I forgot to post a disclaimer. So here it is…

DISCLAIMER: As I am not either of the Bros. Wachowski, I do not own any part of the Matrix in any way, except for of course a copy of the DVDs. But anyway. I don't claim ownership to these characters or the plot. My obscure ramblings are meant in no way to be taken seriously. So, I think this disclaimer has been quite long enough *end*

One more thing about this chapter. Yes, I have decided to re-name Neo to "Neato." Just because I can.

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[Neato lies asleep in front of his computer.  Drool is steadily dripping from his mouth into a puddle on the floor. In the background we hear N*SYNC playing and see about 50 AIM windows open on the computer screen…]

Screen: [Goes black]

Neato: [Sleeping]

Screen: Ahem.

Neato: [Snore]

Screen: I said, AHEM!

Neato: Wh…what? Okay, I'm up now. What do you want?

Screen: Hello, Neato.

Neato: [typing] HeY! a/s/L?????!!

Screen: …

Neato: h3ll0?????

Screen: Listen, Neato. We don't have much time.

Neato: tYmE 4 wuT?

Screen: Stop that.

Neato: hehe stop wuTT??? gOt nE pIx??

Screen: It has you.

Neato: wuT hAz mEe??

Screen: The Matrix.

Neato: WuTz dA MaEtreX?

Screen: The MATRIX, fool, MATRIX!!

Neato: wHoA, j00 wanNa sTaRt s03mtInGG??

Screen: Oh, believe me, my l33t f1ght1ng sk1llz will 0wnz j00, f4g!!

Neato: 4LL J00R B4S3 4R3 B3L0NG 2 U5555!!!

Screen: Shut UP! Oh, and just follow the white rabbit.

Neato: …Lyk3 2 a pet st0re?

Screen: Noo! Just like…it's a _symbol, ok?_

Neato: Uhh…I know kung fu!!

Screen: NO. No you don't. Now just…ah screw this. Knock, knock, Neato.

Neato: …uhh, who's there?

Screen: Answer the door.

Neato: "Answer the door" who?

Screen: JUST ANSWER YOUR DOOR NOW, DAMMIT!!

Neato: That waznt vAry funnee…

[Doorbell rings]

Neato: I'LL GET IT!!!

[Druggie-Clubber-Guy-Whose-Name-I'm-Too-Lazy-To-Look-Up and his Posse are there.]

DCG: Heyyyy mannnn…

Neato: You're late, you're late, for a very important date!

DCG: Whaaa…

Neato: *sigh* Wait here.

[Neato retrieves discs from a book that is not symbolic at all. In any way.]

DCG: YESS!! "Iron Giant"!!!!

Neato: Now remember, if you get caught watching that crap…

DCG: I know, I know, you won't get me a copy of "Shrek 2." But really, thanks dude! You're like…my savior! My own personal Jesus Christ! The One who will sacrifice himself for all of us!  Practically a reincarnation of God himself!

Neato: [classic blank stare]

DCG: Whoa…you're looking a little pasty there, Personal Christ.  Maybe you should…oh, I don't know…_unplug_??

Girlfriend: Okay, enough blatant symbolism from you. My turn. [Lifts arm in front of Neato to reveal a white rabbit tattoo.] Look!

Neato: uhh…where? [Looks over her shoulder]

White Rabbit: Hey buddy! Down here!

Neato: Whaa…HEY! It's a talking white rabbit! Coool…

DCG and Girlfriend: Come with us Neato!

Neato: No I don't think so.

White Rabbit: Aw, pleeease?

Neato: No, I really don't think…

White Rabbit: But I'm a _symbol_!!!

Neato: [Audible sounds of brain working] Symbol! Ah yes! I should do what the anonymous hacker told me to do and follow the _symbol_!!

[Exeunt.]

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End! :D


	3. In Da Club , , , boobies!

[Enter THE CLUB. Everyone is having a helluva good time.]  
  
[Everyone except NEATO of course.]  
  
NEATO: I need some ass.  
  
RANDOM CLUBBER #1: Yes, yes you do.  
  
RANDOM CLUBBER #2: Hey, who let the pasty computer nerd in here?  
  
TRINITY: Back off, bitches.  
  
RANDOM CLUBBERS 1 and 2: Eee, woman in leather!  
  
[They run away.]  
  
NEATO: Whoa, woman in leather! Boobies...  
  
TRINITY: Don't even think about it.  
  
NEATO: Whoa. Why not?  
  
TRINITY: I'm lesbian, doofus.  
  
NEATO: Whoa. Lesbian. Hot.  
  
TRINITY: Ok, stop with the "whoa." Seriously.  
  
NEATO: Boobies...  
  
TRINITY: [Snaps] Eyes up here, Neato.  
  
NEATO: How do you know that name?  
  
TRINITY: Um. It's tatooed on your forehead.  
  
NEATO: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!?!?!  
  
TRINITY: I know a LOT about you, Neato.  
  
NEATO: STALKER!  
  
TRINITY: For once and for all, I am NOT a stalker!! Jesus!!  
  
NEATO: So...who are you anyway, Stalker?  
  
TRINITY: [Mumbling] Happy place, happy place...[deep breath] My name is Trinity.  
  
NEATO: Trinity? *The* Trinity? The militant vegan who got arrested for setting fire to The Fur Warehouse with stolen firearms, then stole a cop car to run away?  
  
TRINITY: That was a long time ago.  
  
NEATO: Umm...it was about 3 weeks ago.  
  
TRINITY: Oh shut it, you.  
  
[50 Cent's "In Da Club" starts to play. NEO begins to DANCE. BADLY.]  
  
NEATO: GO SHAWTY! IT'S MAH BIRFDAY!!  
  
TRINITY: They're watching you, Neato.  
  
NEATO: Who?  
  
[She indicates the large crowd of very confused CLUBBERS who are POINTING and LAUGHING.]  
  
NEATO: Oh...I'll just...go over here now...  
  
[They retreat to a darker corner of DA CLUB.]  
  
TRINITY: The answer is out there, Neato.  
  
[NEATO is doing a CROSSWORD PUZZLE.]  
  
NEATO: I know but I just can't come up with anything! What's a six-letter word for "The world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth"?  
  
TRINITY: [Rolls eyes] "Matrix," duh.  
  
NEATO: What is the Matrix?  
  
TRINITY: HAH! I thought you'd never ask.  
  
NEATO: So are you going to tell me?  
  
TRINITY: No.  
  
NEATO: Then what's the point of this conversation?  
  
TRINITY: No point. Later.  
  
[SUDDENLY...]  
  
[Rooster crows. Rooster crows again. Rooster is strangled and silenced.]  
  
[Alarm rings. Neato wakes up in his room and stares at the alarm clock.]  
  
NEATO: Whoa...I know kung fu.  
  
OFF-SCREEN-VOICES: Arrrgh!! Not yet!  
  
Neato: Aw man. Well in that case... shit I'm late for work!! 


End file.
